Two-Year Old Birthday Party

I’m back! I’m alive! “Where have you been?” one might ask. Well … I was buried under piles and piles of grammar tests, spelling quizzes, paragraphs, and essays to grade (FIVE classes worth!) and dealing with asinine student complaints – “Teacher. Just give me half a point for this test question. PLEASE. Just half a point!” To which I silently said to myself, “No [insert expletive], “He sitting” isn’t [insert a worse expletive] correct.” Aloud I patiently explained that the present continuous tense requires both the correct present tense form of BE and the ing-form of the verb. Missing one or the other shows me that you do not really understand the verb tense. “But teacher, PLEASE!” For the first time in my 10-year teaching career, I actually had to put my hand up in front of my student’s face and say “NO” as though I were speaking to a child. “No, I will not give you half a point for something you got 100% wrong.” Another student tried to figure out how he could magically transform his F into a passing grade on the morning of the final exam. “Well, Ahmed … next time you suspect you aren’t doing so well in a class, it would probably be a good idea to talk to the teacher EARLIER in the session and not on the last day of the course.” All the while, silently to myself, “Grow the [insert expletive] UP!” “Teacher, when are your office hours?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “Teacher, what is your e-mail address?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “Teacher, what percentage is the final exam worth?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “Teacher, when is the final exam?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “Teacher, how many more spelling quizzes do we have left?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “Teacher, how many absences can I have?” “It’s on the syllabus.” “What teacher? We had homework last night? I didn’t know.” Seriously dude?!?! Your incompetence and inability to look at the board at the end of class, write down the homework, or better yet … look at the detailed calendar that is attached to the [insert a 2-word hyphenated expletive] SYLLABUS is not my problem! The amount of patience I have had to pull out of my very soul could fill the Pacific. To one student, I literally said, “It is your job as a student to write down the homework, do it at home, and bring it to me and submit it. I am not your mother. If you want your mother, go home and be with her.” Seriously. I was drowning. I have been teaching for 10 years straight and teacher burn-out is NO JOKE people! The thing is, I love each part of teaching individually, but teaching 5 classes at 2 campuses while raising 3 children is a bit much … but there was a light at the end of the tunnel – one nice luxurious summer off! AND, I got to start off my vacation with a big party!

May 21st was the beginning of the light. I submitted grades for all 5 classes then set about to clean the house – my in-laws and grandmother-in-law were arriving from Hawaii that night to stay for a couple of weeks. During their stay, we had Nico’s two-year birthday party. It turned out absolutely fantastic! I planned for several weeks beforehand (of course) and my spreadsheet was epic! My husband said I went a little overboard with the menu (we had way too much food), but I think it turned out great. As evidence, I refer to most of my guests who complained that they were “too full” and proceeded to eat more and more, so it couldn’t have been that bad!

Menu: